What is FOBO?
How It’s Fueling Your Anxiety & Perfectionism
FOBO or Fear of Better Options may be a new trendy term but it has some real backing in psychology and could have implications for your happiness that you should know.
Ever spent 30 minutes scrolling through streaming apps because you just could not decide what to watch? Or agonized over whether to buy that new gadget because what if there's a better one out there, now or in the near future?
Next thing you know, you're too overwhelmed to choose and you either freeze or chaotically just choose something- being left with remorse for a hasty decision. Either way, you can’t win.
If this sounds familiar, you might be dealing with FOBO—Fear of Better Options.
Don't worry, that's what this article and I are for.
I will explain what this trendy new term even means and why you need to know all about it to quiet your anxiety & perfectionism. So, let’s talk about FOBO—why it happens, why women are particularly prone to it, and most importantly, how to break free.
What is FOBO or Fear of Better Options?
At its most basic, FOBO is that sneaky voice in your head whispering, What if there's something better? What if you make the wrong choice? It keeps you stuck in decision paralysis, fueling anxiety and perfectionism, especially for women juggling careers, relationships, and motherhood. And guess what? Research backs this up—people who struggle with decision-making tend to experience more stress and regret (Schwartz, 2004).
FOMO makes you worry about what others are doing,
FOBO makes you stress over your own choices.
Let's add a little more depth to that— FOBO is like FOMO’s overthinking cousin. While FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) makes you worry about what others are doing, FOBO makes you stress over your own choices. It shows up in small ways (like picking a restaurant) and big ways (choosing a career, deciding whether to have another child, or even picking a freaking shampoo).
And science tells us that too many choices = more stress. In a famous study, participants who had more options to choose from were actually less satisfied with their final decision (Iyengar & Lepper, 2000). Turns out, too many options don’t make us happier—they make us anxious.
Do you want personalized help to reduce FOBO & keep your anxiety in check? Schedule an Intro Call with me today!
FOBO, Anxiety, and Perfectionism: A Toxic Trio
If you have perfectionist tendencies (hi, same), FOBO hits hard. Because perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to do things well—it’s about fearing mistakes, overanalyzing every decision, and assuming there’s always a “right” answer. FOBO thrives on that fear.
Social media makes it worse. We see highlight reels of other women seemingly making all the right choices—whether it's the perfect Montessori playroom or a six-figure business —and suddenly, our own decisions feel like potential failures. Overthinking leads to not deciding, and guess what that does? Increases stress and lowers self-esteem. It’s an exhausting cycle.
Why Are Women More Prone to FOBO?
Women, especially moms, are hit hardest by FOBO. Why? Because society tells us we need to “have it all” and get it right. Career success, a Pinterest-worthy home, engaged parenting, self-care, strong relationships—it’s an impossible standard.
Research backs this up. Older studies show that women experience more decision-related anxiety than men, often second-guessing themselves and feeling more responsible for potential “wrong” choices (Frost et al., 1990). Meanwhile, men tend to make decisions more quickly and move on.
Don't think that FOBO can have a major impact on your life?
Truth is, FOBO shows up in major ways when we try to make decisions that seriously impact our success and happiness. Tell me if any of these sound like you.
Career and FOBO
Imagine you receive two amazing job offers—one with a higher salary but longer hours, and another with better work-life balance but slightly less pay. Instead of feeling excited, you spiral into FOBO-fueled anxiety. What if there’s an even better job out there? What if I make the wrong choice and regret it? You overanalyze every detail, consult everyone you know, and spend hours scrolling LinkedIn for other opportunities—only to feel more uncertain.
This decision paralysis isn’t just stressful; it can lead to missed opportunities, delayed career growth, and emotional exhaustion. Studies show that maximizers—people who obsess over making the “best” choice—tend to feel less satisfied with their decisions, even when they make objectively good ones (Schwartz et al., 2002).
There’s rarely a perfect choice, only the right choice for you at this moment.
The truth? There’s rarely a perfect choice, only the right choice for you at this moment. The key is to trust yourself, set a deadline, and commit—because FOBO thrives on indecision, and clarity comes from action, not overthinking.
Dating with FOBO
Dating in the age of FOBO is brutal. I know, the bar is in hell- but stick with me on this one. You finally meet someone amazing—kind, funny, emotionally available (a rare find, right?). But instead of feeling secure, your mind whispers, What if there’s someone better? What if I settle and miss out on my perfect match? So, you keep one foot in, endlessly analyzing their flaws, comparing them to idealized versions of partners you’ve never met, and scrolling dating apps “just in case.”
FOBO makes it nearly impossible to commit because it convinces you that a better option is always out there. But research shows that people who continuously search for the "best" option in relationships tend to feel less satisfied and struggle with long-term commitment (Sharma & Deb, 2019).
The truth? No partner is flawless. The happiest relationships aren’t built on finding perfection—they’re built on choosing someone and choosing to grow together. At some point, you have to close the dating apps, silence the what-ifs, and trust your heart.
So, how do we stop FOBO from running the show?
6 Quick Tips for Overcoming FOBO
Raise your hand if you are like, I get it & that’s me… but how do I fix it?! 🙋🏾♀️
Here are some quick tips to get you going:
Tip #1: Define Your Needs First
Before you start considering the options, take a moment and go inward. Ask yourself, what do I need or want? The best option will always be the one that meets your needs and is most aligned with your values. Before you take in the noise from the outside, try really hard to hear your inner voice and create a list (mental is OK) of what you’re looking for.
Tip #2: Limit Your Choices
Give yourself fewer options. Seriously. We are inundated with options these days on the internet and that has its drawbacks. Research shows that reducing choices leads to higher satisfaction (Schwartz, 2004). Try picking between four things instead of ten. Avoid extensive research, there are limitless options. Yes, I am a researcher telling you to limit your research. But only for the sake of your sanity. If you have trusted sources, get their take on a few options and then choose between them.
Tip #3: Set a Time Limit
Give yourself a deadline. Decision-making without an endless scrolling session? Game changer. Your time and effort in deciding should be proportional to the importance of the decision. And speaking of time, stay in the present. Your needs, values, ideas will change in the future. Allow them to. As options change in the future, they may become more or less relevant to you. But you’re not a fortune teller-(I’m guessing here!). So take the pressure off of present-day you to make perfect decisions for the future you.
Tip #4: Remember to Trust Your Gut
Your intuition is smarter than you think. Studies show that gut instincts can be just as accurate as overanalyzed decisions (Gigerenzer, 2007).
Tip #5: Accept “Good Enough” – Perfection is a myth.
Aim for satisfying, not flawless. I’m not going to hold you, this takes lots of self-work and I could write 20 articles on what goes into this process but I said “quick tips” so here you go. This is also a good one to deep dive into with your therapist.
Tip #6: Practice Mindfulness & Gratitude
Stay in the moment instead of spiraling into what-ifs. Mindfulness helps reduce overthinking about the future and Gratitude helps us find joy and peace in what we have at any moment- instead of focusing on what we don’t or won’t have.
Key Takeaways
Let's wrap this up, shall we? The key takeaways to remember are: FOBO is a real struggle, but it doesn’t have to control your life. Learning to let go of the need for the “perfect” choice is a form of self-compassion. And the best part? Once you start making peace with good enough, decision-making becomes so much easier.
I make it my mission to empower women with deep self-awareness, unwavering self-compassion, and practical tools to shift their mindset—so anxiety and perfectionism take a back seat, not the wheel. -Dr.T
If you would like to connect, please drop me a line here. I love hearing from you all!
Pssst, If FOBO is keeping you stuck in anxiety and overthinking, therapy can help. You deserve to live with confidence, not constant second-guessing. Let’s work together to break free from decision paralysis—one choice at a time. 💛 Dr. T
Oh, and come say hi on Instagram and join the conversation!